This may sound a tiny bit sad, but I’m a massive fan of January. And, no, it’s not because I’m one of those people that likes to do a million Insta-stories revolving around the whole “New Year, New Me” cliche. For the record, I liked last year… a lot… and I was pretty fond of who I was for the majority of it. Go me.
The reason I’m January’s most enthusiastic cheerleader is because there’s no better month for looking back on all of the terrible choices you made last year, and to try and fix a few of the things in your life that kinda / maybe / definitely suck — like eating four Jammy Dodgers and calling that lunch. Or always moaning about your messy desk but never doing anything about it. Or realising you had a drink on 48 out of a possible 52 Mondays (#dryjanuary). Or letting your lawn become the worst on your street. The list just goes on and on. Which is where resolutions come in – they’re basically our only way out.
The problem is: there’s a pretty big gap between committing to a New Year’s resolution and actually following through with them, in that no one does the latter. Okay, that was a slight exaggeration, but 8% is so low it may as well be no one. That’s why I figured I would try and help you out this year.
No. I can’t help you find love, lose 35lbs before spring or teach you how to speak another language, but I can help you grow the most sexy AF lawn on your street — and if that doesn’t marginally improve your life this year I don’t know what will.
So, without further ado, here are some things you should probably do to your lawn this year to make sure it’s thick, lush, healthy, happy and so envy-inducing Keen Kevin attaches a periscope to his side of the garden fence ready to spy on your techniques.
And here’s the best bit: you can’t really fail at this resolution. Grass is way too hardcore. It’s like it has Wolverine’s regenerative powers and the Green Lantern’s complexion. It’s ace. It’s a real motivation booster. Oh and you may lose some weight while you’re at it, which is a nice-to-know if the whole “shed half my bodyweight” thing was on your list, even if you wrote it in pencil.