It’s Time To Address The Misconceptions About Your Lawn

Last night, I woke up at about 3am needing a large gulp of water, when I was hit by...

Last night, I woke up at about 3am needing a large gulp of water, when I was hit by a not-so-unusual-thought-for-that-time-in-the-morning: if we had a communal time-machine, all hopped inside it and then set the date to sometime a couple of years ago, the term “fake news” wouldn’t have existed. It’s true. In fact, if you placed a soapbox in the middle of a busy street and muttered the words “fake news” down a megaphone, you would have probably been met by some pretty contorted facial expressions and people desperately trying to take a wider line when passing by you. But fast-forward to the here and now and this whole “fake news concept” has become one of the greatest threats to democracy, free debate, the Western order and, yes, lawns (thanks a lot Donald).

Mmmm hmmmm. I find it hard to believe myself but, yes, even our beautiful and innocent lawns have been caught up in the to the whole “fake news” scandal, which is why I’ve been furiously tapping the keyboard and pulling together this brief but important blog… to talk about the biggest misconceptions surrounding your lawn. Why? Because it doesn’t make sense for our brains to be full of totally useless facts (like the fact there are more fake flamingos on earth than real ones, or that there are more atoms in a single glass of water, than glasses of water in all the oceans) and yet not know the truth about our lawns.

So, without further ado, let’s set the record straight for once and for all, know what’s real and what’s not, and Make Lawns Great Again (and then go back to curating knowledge that will maybe, possibly come in handy at a pub quiz someday):

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(Okay, fine, here’s one more piece of useless information that’s absolutely true: Charlie Chaplin once entered a Charlie Chaplin look-alike competition and came third.)