20 Lawn Care Jokes That Are Worthy Of A Christmas Cracker
There’s a dozen reasons why Christmas really is the most wonderful time of the year. Walking into a Christmas party in the ugliest sweater, getting away with day drinking, eating an endless amount of pigs-in-blankets and seeing your co-workers in a whole new light after the Christmas party. There are so many glorious moments that go hand-in-hand with Christmas time.
And one of the best is pulling out the crackers at dinner time, No, not the ones you spread cheese and chutney on. The ones you pull apart with a satisfying snap as a collection of weird and wonderful tidbits falls onto the table (and floor). The too-big and ridiculously flimsy paper crown, a measuring tape/whistle/spinning top that your nephew is desperate to see. And, for the piece de resistance, the quintessential Christmas cracker joke that’s written on a tiny piece of paper and you get to read out to the rest of the table.
Nothing is as awful as a Christmas cracker joke, but that’s what makes them so great. Because despite the collection groans and eye rolls, these rubbish jokes somehow manage to bring everyone together in a “that-joke-is-so-bad-it’s-good” giggle session.
So whether you’re planning on making your own Christmas crackers this year or you’re just looking to keep the bad jokes going over dinner, we’ve pulled together the best-worst lawn jokes for you to share this festive season. Enjoy.
Just saw a man slumped over a lawn mower crying his eyes out. He assured me he’ll be fine, he’s just going through a rough patch.
I heard that burglars used grass to pick a lock and gain entry to a local house, but the evidence may have been planted.
A friend went into his garden, dug a hole in the lawn and then filled it with water. I think he meant well.
“Someone’s stolen the grass from my garden” said the man looking forlorn.
I used to make loads of money clearing leaves from lawns. I was raking it in.
Walked by a rehab centre the other day. The sign on the lawn said “keep off the grass”.
The worst thing about living next door to a good gardener is that the grass is always greener on the other side.
A friend of mine is his team’s best footballer on paper. Unfortunately they play most of their games on grass.
What do you call an Irish guy who sells lawn chairs? Patty O’Furniture
I’ve chicken proofed my lawn. It’s now impeccable.
Today I had to fire the guy I hired to mow my lawn. He just wasn’t cutting it.
Why is a field of grass always older than you? Because it’s pasture age.
What did one blade of grass say to another about the lack of rain? I guess we’ll just have to make dew.
Neighbor Dad 1: How often do you cut the grass? Your lawn looks so much better than mine!
Neighbor Dad 2: That’s on a need to mow basis.
What do soldiers call their lawn mowers? Weapons of grass destruction.
What do you call a gardener that works on his own? A lawn ranger.
Since I started working for a lawn care company, I’ve been trying to get a promotion, but I just can’t break through the grass ceiling.
I stood in my garden yesterday morning wondering where the sun had gone and then it dawned on me.
Why is the Incredible Hulk such a proficient gardener? He’s got green fingers.